I Got a Hysterectomy in My 30s in the New Regime

In this climate? Yes, yes I did. Endometriosis, PCOS, adenomyosis, and fibroids, oh my!

At the time of posting this, I am too eepy and honestly, too hungry to edit this. Be gracious to me please.

Inevitably, you clicked on this because it is still so salacious to talk about coochie health out loud. Not round here patna, not round here.

I openly discuss my reproductive health because *looks around and gestures*…what else would one do in this current time? We don’t have the luxury of being unaware or disjointed in our efforts to be as healthy as possible. AFAB bodies have always been and are still under constant scrutiny and this is one way that I push against that as a singular person. If me sharing about my health could lead someone to ask more questions, advocate for themselves, understand their options, know that herbs can help, I’m going to do that.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Uterus

I’ve dealt with the symptoms of PCOS since I was 11 - I didn’t even start menstruating until 13. At that point, we knew this would be a journey. As time has went on, I’ve experienced it all: bloating that debilitated me for 3 days or more, extreme fatigue, prediabetes, 50 lb gains and losses, so much. You name a symptom, I’ve likely had it. So after a tumultuous last few years, I made the decision to have a hysterectomy.

My friend recommended that I journal my way through this last period leading up to my surgery. Last period! I’m transitioning through a certain door of womanhood early. There is something deeply spiritual about walking through that door by choice and not by circumstance of age. As I bid this version of me farewell, I’m accompanied by so much encouragement. For that I’m grateful.

1/26 Random Time of Night

There is no secret that the health of birthing people, women, and AFAB bodies are all under attack. I had my surgery scheduled months ahead though and I must get to it. Even before the inauguration, asking for my specimen back post testing has been trying. To imagine…a team of doctors at a hospital telling me that I can’t have my own uterus back. I wonder why Black people are afraid of the doctor, she says allowing her words to drip with sarcasm and rage.

Although I take milk thistle and magnesium before bed every single night, I can still feel the random pangs of my period being on its way. It’s amazing to me how working on my wellness over the last years has put me so in tune with this organ that I’m getting removed. My sleep was awful this night - another side effect of the late luteal/early menstrual days. I wonder could I convince my doctor to take a picture of it after is out. I want see it before it goes to the lab and say goodbye.

1/31 1:45pm

I skipped some of the random mood swings, random cramps, and other minutia. Yesterday was my pre-op appointment though. I really like my doc. We had one minor communication jam at the start of our time together, but I went and advocated for myself and in that process, she did for herself as well. We came out stronger than ever, in my opinion.

I learned that I will have 4 incisions, one through my belly button, two in my lower abdomen and one in either side of my actual abdomen. Like I mentioned, I have endometriosis, PCOS, a fibroid, a polyp, and adenomyosis at the back of my uterus. So she’ll be clearing out any endo and possible adhesions that she sees elsewhere as well as removing my uterus, tubes, and cervix.

I’m also getting a big ass shot in my back muscles to help with pain blocking for the first few days of recovery. I asked was it an epidural and the answer was no. So ok, I’m down.

Today my period is actually started. I stopped taking herbs for it about two cycles ago. I ran out and then had a really bad cramp episode that caused fainting. So I said I’d reformulate and re-up for post surgery treatment. I’m noticing the tell tale signs of blood stagnation and estrogen imbalance. This is her, this is my body. I think it was important for me to feel what I’m feeling now…I can’t explain it well, but I need to feel what is being left behind. True to my being as a woo, my period started with the new moon. A beautiful last performance. As the moon wanes, possibility will grow represented by the transition to a full moon. I give thanks to the moon, I give thanks to my body.

I can feel the cramps rolling in so I took my big guns, an herb that is a low-dose toxin. I won’t list it here because I don’t want anyone going outside and DYING because they tried to dig up this plant and eat it. Just know it works. I should feel some relief soon.

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Now about getting my uterus. My journey with the pathology department at the hospital I’ll be in is actually hellacious. It is SICK the way we are not free, our bodies are not our own. I have to have a funeral home collect my uterus, fine. I plan that and get the costs. For religious purposes, I asked for it to be left out of formalin and put on ice for immediate pick up. Ha! To do this, I’d have to forego all testing on my uterus for illness and go through the ETHICS COMMITTEE of the hospital. I acquiesce to my doctor’s urge about testing and how it really is necessary, but tell her I have to have my uterus back in my possession. Now, as of 1/31 with surgery in about 2 weeks, they are talking to LAWYERS and risk management about getting me the proper paperwork. I contacted them for the first time back in October, mind you.

I hate it here. My doc asked me would I push the surgery out if I can’t get the paperwork in time. No, I won’t…but my god will I be a force that hospital hates to see coming.

2/3 8:19am

I had a moment this morning. A friend is getting a hysterectomy around the same time as me and we’ve discussed this flash, a deeply internal moment: your uterus starts talking. You’ve never wanted kids, you are in incredible pain, cancer risk, the whole nine. Yet, you start to think for just a second…maybe. Just maybe? It’s odd, but in honoring this journey I honor that. I honor my body advocating for itself. I honor all the different thoughts that might come up. This thang has got to GO. However, I’m still reeling that this is my last period. My periods last for about 9 days in total. I’m right in the middle of it and I’m in awe. I can’t believe my body has been doing this, under these health circumstances, for 21 years. It’s a ritualistic shedding and I wonder should I supplement the monthly shedding with a spiritual bath or a ritual. Hm.

There was a period in life where I’d shave my head every single period. No clue why, just spiritual vibes. It felt so good! While I won’t be able to do that again any time soon, I think there is something to accompanying your body on the ritual externally. I don’t know what’s on the other side of it - will I feel the urge to shed? Will my body still have that particular pattern among the others or will this part of the hormonal cycle cease as it isn’t signaled by the organ being there? I’m actually unsure and need to Google this, however I think completing a monthly shedding ritual will be a good way to honor who I was and the piece of me that isn’t there any longer.

What will it be like to have penetrative sex without a cervix though? I’m intrigued.

2/6 10:41am

My friends just asked me when my surgery is and how I’m feeling. As I thought through my answer, my reply was rich enough to share in this reflection.

My last period is ending. That is a version of me that will no longer exist that was born at 13 years old. To be honest, she suffered. Not just because of life, but because she had learned since 11 that her body was not normal and that doctors would never validate that. That pain formed a chasm: a deep disconnect between her and her body. A body that carried her through life, never sustained a broken bone, rarely got sick (but when it did it was bad), and was blamed for the pain she felt. To go through life blaming yourself and eventually, separating yourself from your body so that you could blame it instead is a certain level of spiritual disarray that I can’t put into words, honestly.

This version of me that is dying, you know. Death sounds so scary to us and I believe we’ve formed a piss poor relationship with it, but that’s for another day. It is simply a transformation and acknowledgement that what was is no longer. I’ve died many of death. As a spiritualist, as a person who nurtures a deep connection with nature, I have grown to realize that over time. My deaths range from small restarts to identity shifts. This is no different and is definitely on the more in-depth end of the spectrum of mortality.

So my reflection to my friends is that I’m existing in liminal space: at the precipice of my death while waiting to be reborn in a week’s time. I’m sitting with this heavy emptiness and asking myself, “what will my mark my new life and does it need external representation?”. I sense a theme here.

As a spiritualist, a medium, this is who I am. I sit at the crossroads. I know the dikenga intimately, my feet fluttering in the waters of kalunga while sitting firmly where the ocean and sand meet. Liminal space is my home, it is where I go to transform, repair, and learn. I go there to communicate and come back with words for those I help by being a bridge. I, as is all, am in constant motion. Always counterclockwise, always moving.

This is no different. So I’ll sit here and flutter my feet until the next version of me takes my place.

2/16 3:37am

It is hard as hell to get any writing done when you are on round the clock pain meds. Whew! I have been sleeping in 4 hour spurts for what seems like days. but what is really just been 48 hours. I got my hysterectomy a couple of days ago. I’m grateful that I listened to myself and did so. The endo had spread to my colon and I already know that if that had gotten worse, I would have had to have pieces of my bowel removed from adhesions and scar tissue. I give thanks to my ori!

The experience was cool though. I picked Valentine’s Day for two reasons:

• It was Venus’ day - the planet of all the beautiful things. It just made sense to me to enter into a surgical procedure under the influence of this planet.

• It was Lover’s Day. The general energy in the air was that of love and good things, that is the energy I needed to permeate the energetic atmosphere. Not cheeto dust rumblings, not tariffs, not anything upsetting. Hearts, pink, and all the cutesy things.

And it worked. I was treated with absolute care by 99% of that staff. There was one nurse who kept acting like I was absurd for sleeping - shame on her. Other than that, it was truly a good experience. I was able to leave the hospital about 12 hours later.

Ok wait - the graham crackers they gave me post op almost ended me. Thankfully, my friend who came all the way from Cali (HELLO?!) is a fellow Leo and knew to record:

What was ironic to me is that the pain immediately post op felt like…period pain. It felt like a terrible bout of cramps and I couldn’t help but laugh. I also promptly asked for meds - it hurt like a bitch. Combined with the pain block they put into my back muscles, the pain meds have been holding me over. I’m mildly uncomfortable but I think considering this was a major surgery, I’m okay. Emotionally, I’m elated. I’m so glad that it is done and my new body is here. What a joy it will be to not be ruled by chronic pain.

I made sure to have on theme pajamas waiting, too.

I think I have about ~20 minutes before the meds take me to la la land again and my next installment will likely be my last. It’s time to heal and rest.

Ok wait one more thought: I’ll share my herbal protocol for myself post op once I have doc approval to restart my supplement routine.

2/17 11:15am

My homegirl I mentioned is a midwife and doula and I’m proud of her. Healer friends need healer friends. That. Is. Love (This is why I’m strict about my romantic partnerships, but that’s another post). She has classified me as a runner so I’m under strict watch. I just need snacks in the wee hours and I want to let her rest…so I skedaddledownthestairs every now and then. Now she telling anyone who will listen that I like to roam the corridors.

In terms of care for myself as an herbalist, my immediate follow up was 1/2 oz of echinacea glycerite (this is a massive dose, friends) once I felt in my right mind post surgery. This was to jumpstart my immune system so that my body knew it was okay to start the repair process. Shoutout to my teacher Lisa Fox for teaching me that.

Supplement wise, I made sure to have some pineapple as the bromelain supports wound healing. Once cleared by my doc today, I’ve started my probiotics back up, vitamin D, multi vitamin, multigreens, and my all star: magnesium glycinate. I think I’ll grab some bromelain tablets.

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I requested a Five Below run so I could get some blue light glasses (shoutout to the lovely person on Bluesky who told me they had some). Baby that took the wind outta ME. I see what my doctor meant about feeling cool for the most part, but regular things will make me tired. Noted!

2/17 12:48pm

Okay so back to the herbs…I’m not starting any herbal formulas for a few weeks. I want to allow my body just a second to acclimate so I’ll introduce them soon. I created two different formulas, one that focuses on hormonal support and the other will focus on circulation and nervine support. A hysterectomy doesn’t resolve PCOS - so I will always take herbs to manage my estrogen, testosterone, cholesterol, blood sugar, and cortisol. Maybe that’ll be the next class?

She’s Traveled, She’s Tired

The communications professional in me would love to make a connected closing to this, but I actually don’t have it in me, friend. This is has been an experience and on the other side of not having a period anymore…I feel new and the same. I definitely died.

I’ll follow up on the battle for my own body parts another day. I’m looking forward to talking more.